Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just gift wrapped bread.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
