She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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