The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
