He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
