Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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