Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
