my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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