U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize