Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
