dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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