How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
