This is not my ceiling
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
