You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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