The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize
