K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
