I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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