It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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