I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
