Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
