Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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