you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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