i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
