Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
