the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
