ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize