i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
