this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
