I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
