My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Randomize
