Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
