We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have already put on my inside pants.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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