Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
