Plan B is the new Plan A
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
