Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
