I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
