Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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