this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
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