Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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