Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize