I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
