Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
