Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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