Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
