why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
