I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
