You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
