life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
