I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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