While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
