Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
