if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You were trust falling into bushes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
