Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
